learning to walk again

The act of walking is pretty risky if you think about it…

You’re taking one foot and sticking it out in the direction you want to go until you become slightly off balance. Then right before you fall on your face, you bring the other foot forward to stop yourself from falling. You repeat this dangerous operation as long as it takes to get where you’re going. The only reason we do this maneuver is to get us somewhere else.

In order for you to get somewhere, you have to take chances and do things that you are unaccustomed to doing. It’s no different than the journey to healing or the road to reconciliation. You will have to do things despite the outcome being uncertain. When you love someone, it’s not natural to see that she is hurting you. When you’re feeling like a victim, it’s not natural to see that you have power. When you’re self-righteous, it’s not natural to take ownership of your faults. When you’re ashamed, it’s not natural to take responsibility. None of this is natural; but it’s also not natural to stay stuck and stagnant.

So when a problem occurs, learn how to walk. Start walking by learning to tell the difference between the person you love and the actual problem. Walk towards the person, and walk away from the problem. If they’re inseparable, create a problem-free zone and walk there. Walk to get help and then walk with the help.

Every step involves you taking a risk and doing what seems unnatural. When you let a problem take over, it’s natural to be taken hostage, and unnatural to break free. Hell, writing these blogs are unnatural for me.

I’m going to be honest with you here…it’s very possible your partner will choose not to walk with you?

You may end up walking away from the problem, and having to you leave your loved one behind?

It’s extremely important that both understand that being in a relationship means you walk together. Think of you and your partner as two feet. Standing together, things are perfectly comfortable, but you can’t stand there forever. You want to try different things, be someone different, do something with your life, develop, grow.You feel the need to move or the whole world will leave you behind.

Healthy relationships are a cycle of two phases: standing still and moving forward. When you first meet, you take great strides together as you get to know and accommodate one another. You and your partner come along together, like both feet, keeping each other in balance.

In unhealthy relationships, people are afraid to change. They wait around for their partner to be ready before they take a step. They don’t want to initiate any movement. Conditions must be perfect before they try moving forward with any aspect of their life.

So, as a man it is your responsibility, to prevent any Problem from taking over the relationship, you must take a step. You must distinguish the difference between the person you love and the actual problem, take on the role of seeking help to keep walking.  Don’t let the problem paralyze you into not growing. When she sees you change, she’ll have to change with you or be left behind.

If she does get left behind, it’s as much her choice as yours. She’s choosing to remain with the problem. She’s picking her problem over you.

When that happens, keep walking.